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Shadow Work for Self-Love (+ 10 Prompts)

Shadow work can make you question your whole identity, reality, and existence.

It shows you pieces of yourself that you’ve kept buried for years and exposes the vulnerable parts that you’ve been protecting.

At the same time, shadow work helps you reach a level of self-acceptance that you never dreamed possible.

Shadow work for self-love is a key part of your journey; a part that you don’t want to miss out on.

Does shadow work help with self-love?

Self-love is an integral part of shadow work.

Not only does shadow work absolutely help with acceptance of your true, raw self, as it encourages you to meet and embrace your shadow, it’s something that you should practise alongside self-love.

Shadow work is the exploration of your deeper self and all the traits that you’ve buried – your shadow.

Your shadow is comprised of all the parts of yourself that you’ve kept hidden, usually since childhood, that you’ve been taught and conditioned to hide.

For example, some shadow traits you might possess are:

  • Anger
  • Lust
  • Arrogance
  • Competitiveness
A coffee mug with a heart design depicted in coffee foam; pinecones; and a notepad and pan on a table

All these traits are hidden from the world in your unconscious mind because either society or someone else in your life growing up has taught you to believe they’re undesirable or ‘bad’.

You therefore put on a persona to the world – the picture of how you want the world to perceive you. A more digestible, socially acceptable ‘you’.

The problem with this is, the shadow doesn’t just go away. It sits there in your unconscious, which can negatively effect your mental health and sense of self.

You never feel truly authentic or whole.

The shadow can therefore reveal itself against your will in high-stress, emotional situations.

The thing is, your shadow traits aren’t inherently bad, nor are they inherently good. They’re just traits that make you uniquely human.

By practising shadow work, you meet the real you and learn to embrace it. You can work on what you feel needs to be worked on, forgive yourself, and truly accept who you at your core.

You become your most true, authentic self, and it’s unbelievably liberating. It leads you to true self-love; self-love of your true self, and not your persona.

It’s also important to add that meeting your shadow can challenge what you already knew. You can experience cognitive dissonance and struggle to comes to terms with who you really are.

Therefore, it’s important to work on self-love before you embark on your shadow work journey, and to continue practising self-love and self-care during and after.

I teach you how to do this – and more – in my shadow work course, Shadow Work for Self-Love.

How do you do shadow work on yourself?

In a perfect world, we would all be able to afford to hire a shadow work specialist to guide us on our journey.

However, this isn’t always possible.

You’ll be glad to know then, that doing shadow work yourself is absolutely possible and can be really effective when you know what to do.

#1. Practise self-awareness

Shadow work mainly comes down to introspection and self-awareness; learning what your triggers are, considering why you are the way that you are, and acknowledging your shadow are all activities you can do inside your head.

When you react emotionally or in a way that you consider out of character (i.e. not in keeping with the persona you’ve cultivated), this is your shadow pushing through to the surface. It’s therefore important to be self-aware at this time.

  1. Acknowledge that this is your shadow
  2. Take some time to think about what part of your shadow this was peaking through
  3. Consider why this trait is kept in your shadow
  4. Think about where this part of your shadow originated
  5. Forgive yourself for being human and experiencing normal human emotions
  6. Decide how you’ll move forward: Are you going to integrate this part of your shadow into your entire being? Do you want to work on it and heal this part of your shadow?

What do I mean by point six?

Well, some shadow traits, such as explosive rage and being self-destructive, may cause harm to ourselves or others.

With this in mind, you probably want to work on this so that you don’t cause harm, but equally you don’t relegate it back to the shadow where it will only fester and burst to the forefront during moments out of your control.

You may want to get therapy and find an outlet for this rage and positive coping mechanisms for the self-destructive behaviour.

On the flip side, shadow traits such as lust or arrogance can be integrated into our lives. Through a different lens, lust can be viewed as you expressing your sexuality, and arrogance could be tempered into confidence.

Sexuality and confidence are nothing to be ashamed of.

This will all help you reach true self-love.

A woman sitting on a window sill with a journal in her lap.

#2. Journal through your shadow work journey

Journaling has been a key part of my shadow work journey and I couldn’t recommend it highly enough.

Using journal prompts for shadow work can help coax the answers you’ve been looking for out of your unconscious and onto the paper.

What’s more, you can look back at your practise and see how far you’ve progressed, or look for clues you might have previously missed.

For me, journaling also helps my thoughts become more concise; I find a type of clarity I can’t reach within my own head.

#3. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes

Another way to practise shadow work yourself is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Doing this helps us become more forgiving, which is important when it comes to shadow work.

Forgiving ourselves for being human is a key part of self-love.

You can do this in a number of ways. For example:

  • Watch a movie with a villain and imagine yourself playing the villain; do you now understand their motive?
  • Read a book and focus on a character who’s supposed to be ‘bad’; consider their perspective
  • When disagreeing or arguing with someone, stop and think about their point of view for a moment; does this change yours?
  • Always listen to a range of differing opinions
  • Spot when you’re projecting your shadow traits onto others; if someone annoys you, think about why – is this because you unconsciously possess these ‘annoying’ traits and you’re therefore projecting them onto an easy target?

The point of these exercises is to allow yourself to understand your shadow.

Our shadow becomes our shadow because we’re hiding away what we deem to be negative traits, but if we can understand where these traits come from, we can begin to forgive ourselves and develop as a person.

We also become more empathetic in general.

A journal, mug, and flowers on a small round table next to a window.

#4. Meditate

Meditation is really good for clearing your mind after practising shadow work.

This, as well as grounding and centring, are crucial for keeping your feet on the ground during what can be a confusing time.

A grounding exercise I love is to simply find some grass or ground and walk on it barefoot.

Wiggle your toes and feel the earth beneath you.

Now imagine roots growing from the soles of your feet into the earth. Let them root you to the ground; feel the energy from the earth calming you and filtering any excess, anxious energy from your body.

Take some deep breaths and feel connected to the earth.

#5. Practise self-care and self-love

It’s so important for you to practise self-care and acts of self-love before, during, and shadow work, especially if you’re doing shadow work alone.

You need a good, strong-minded foundation of self-love in place so that you don’t spiral or, if you find yourself in denial, push your shadow even deeper.

Cognitive dissonance – when we hold conflicting beliefs, morals and values – can be stressful; it can take a toll on our mental health because suddenly we’re confronted with this shadow that we’ve been trying to repress our entire lives.

The persona we’ve spent years building is shattered and our true, authentic self is standing there, naked, in all its glory.

This needs to happen. Our persona needs to be broken so that our true self can be built back up.

However, this is why it’s vital that we have love for ourselves so that we can continue our shadow work journey without causing further damage.

Self-care is a key element that I actively encourage.

Some great exercises you can do to improve self-love are:

  • Repeat affirmations for self-love
  • Practise self-care that focuses on the parts of yourself you don’t like
  • Journal and using journal prompts for self-love
  • Educate yourself on why you may not like certain things about yourself and understanding where this comes from (for example, if you dislike your body, you may want to research into the body acceptance movement)
  • Redirect negative self-talk
  • Learn your boundaries and express these to others
  • Practise gratitude

How do I love my shadow self?

Discovering and loving your true self unapologetically sounds good in theory, but it can be really difficult in practise.

Firstly, we’ve been taught to suppress our shadow traits for a reason. These reasons range from:

  • Upbringing/parenting style
  • Societal norms and expectations
  • Social conditioning
  • Culture
  • Parent’s morals and values
  • Trauma
  • Other outsides influences

We deem these traits to be undesirable in a person and ultimately negative.

Shadow work should encourage you to view these traits neutrally. They’re neither positive or negative, they’re just human traits that we experience due to one of the many factors mentioned above.

This is key when practising shadow work for self-love.

You need to see your shadow for what it is and love yourself anyway.

A journaling exercise you may want to try in order to help promote self-love alongside shadow work is:

  1. Write down the shadow trait that you dislike about yourself; a trait that’s preventing you from loving yourself fully.
  2. Write about where you think this trait comes from and why you’ve repressed it.
  3. Now write down why you don’t like it.
  4. Think of someone you admire who exhibits this trait, even a little. For example, if your shadow trait is arrogance, you may choose to look at a strong character from a movie you love. In order to be a strong character, surely they must possess a little bit of arrogance? Or do you view it as confidence when it’s someone else and only arrogance when it’s yourself? Alternatively, maybe you do see arrogance in a character you love. Explore this a little bit in your journal.
  5. List the positive outcomes and characteristics that grow from this shadow trait. In the case of arrogance, it could manifest as you always showing up for yourself and having trust in your own abilities.
  6. How can you begin to make peace with this trait, bring it out of the shadows, and integrate it into your life? If arrogance is your shadow trait, this means that your persona may come across as the opposite: humble. By integrating your shadow, you don’t have to allow it to completely take over, we merely have to acknowledge its presence. By allowing your arrogance to come to the forefront a little more, what could you achieve? What would be so wrong in that? There’s nothing inherently wrong with being arrogant, as long as you’re not allowing it to rule you or using it to hurt others. Think on this for a while. Could you use a little arrogance? If not, remember, as I’ve already said, you don’t have to allow your shadow to take over, we simply have to acknowledge that it’s there and that it’s okay.
  7. Finally, list some traits that that you’re grateful to possess, whether these be shadow traits or traits you’ve been aware of your entire life. What do you like about yourself?

You may still not love everything little thing about yourself, but you accept it, and forgive yourself for it.

By embracing your true self – shadow and all – you can learn to love yourself completely and wholly.

A hand holding up an open notebook with a love heart sketched inside.

Shadow work for self-love journal prompts

While I do have separate posts for self-love journal prompts and shadow work journal prompts, I figured that it would probably be useful to combine the two.

Remember, it’s really important to work on self-love before starting your shadow work, as well as during and after, since shadow work is a lifelong journey.

Simply pick one of these shadow work for self-love prompts at a time and write about them in your journal.

  1. How do you feel about yourself as a human being?
  2. What’s a shadow trait that you dislike about yourself? Why? How can you work on not disliking it?
  3. What’s a shadow trait that you’ve discovered that you actually quite like?
  4. How has your shadow effected your ability to fully love yourself?
  5. How do you feel about yourself now that you’ve discovered your shadow?
  6. If your shadow was a different person and not part of you, what would he/she/they look like?
  7. Are there shadow traits that you like in others, but not yourself? Why do you think that is?
  8. How does the idea of integrating your shadow sound to you?
  9. What’s one way you can show your shadow love today?
  10. What are three reasons you’re grateful for discovering your shadow?

If you’re interested in starting your shadow work journey, learning how to practise it yourself, and find self-love in the process, my course, Shadow Work for Self-Love covers all of this and much more.

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